Lent

"Does this have milk in it? Yes? Oh, sorry, then I'll have something else" - yup, that's me these days. Never would have thought! No milk products, no meat, no fish, no sweets, no alcohol, and no white bread till Easter. No, I am not religious, but with a friend of mine we have thought it would be interesting to challenge ourselves to fasting, and Lent seemed like a very convinient opportunity.

Supposedly, fasting is designed to inspire you to think less about the mundane things and concentrate on the issues of the soul and mind. I was curious and felt really bold, so I went for it. It's been 2 weeks now and I didn't cheat so far. What's the point? There's no one but myself to deceive. So here are a few notes about my experience so far.

The first day of Lent is the hardest one, because for the whole of Monday you can't have anything but water. And, of course, the whole Monday food is all you can think about :) A sad thing is that without food I got no good reason to get a break from actual work, because usually I take a walk to get some snack or tea/smoothie. Also, without lunch and dinner I don't really get that much communication with people. Monday was a sad-sad day, and I did not feel inspired or uplifted at all. I was hungry, lonely, and dissapointed with myself for starting the experiment at all.

The days afterwards were much better. Surprisingly, even though there are many things you can't have, there's still something left to choose from: rice, all kinds of other grains, potatoes, vegetables (raw/cooked), fruits, and nuts. Oh yeah, there's also tofu that I will not eat raw again unless forced to; when cooked, it's quite tasty though.

Last Sunday fish and eggs were allowed, so I got my hands on herrings (don't frown, it's a Russian thing) and fresh-baked, still warm, delicious Russian bread. To enjoy this feast I went out with my roommate to some hills in Los Altos, from where we could see the nearby area quite well. It was a lovely Sunday indeed! Bread tasted very special and it came in the right time, because I was starting to consider giving up on the whole fasting idea.

Living without the meat for 2 weeks was alright, even though on some occasions I really felt like having some. What tortured me in the past days and still does is the lack of desserts. I have delicious chocolate waffle cake and a box of fantastic turkish delight at home, as well as a few boxes of girl-scout cookies with choco & peanut butter. I wouldn't even mention all the things I have to pass by in the cafes. Today was the hardest day so far in these terms - I really craved for some chocolate cookies, but instead had to crunch the pistachio (ok, that's not such a bad trade-off).

2 weeks in and I still question myself about the whole thing over and over again. Did I become more spiritual and less materialistic? Do I feel enlightened? No, I am still the same person, no major changes. However, there's something to it: major challenge of your will power; you have to learn to control your desires and not give in. This is the one thing that keeps me going: I want to learn whether I can do it or not. There is still a bit more than a month left though, I think, so we'll see.

In general, I have noticed that now I can push myself a bit further with the other things: I can find a reason to run for a bit longer, to stretch a bit further, and etc. What's important is to start out with a challenging goal that you are capable of reaching, then you will feel good upon achieving it. Starting the run without knowing where the finish-line is can be quite demoralizing, and I don't suggest doing this. 

Oh yeah, forgot to mention what the other people thought of my experiment. Well, first of all, there are only about 6-7 of them who know of it. One always tries to corrupt me and suggests I have something sweet, go to a party and drink something, or just forget the whole thing and enjoy the "pie party" on the weekend. Not really supportive, but then the feeling of contradiction towards him inspires me to continue. Second of all, people who don't know about the diet restrictions do not really notice anything. I still always have a full plate of something, I don't complaint out loud that I can't have meat or desserts. Instead of sweets, I always get fruits now and it feels pretty good most of the time. 

The greatest thing of all is that I never feel painfully full after my meals. I always feel well energized, happy, and grateful that I could find at least something to eat that follows the restrictions :)

In the moment of doubt I asked my mum today if I could give up now. She wisely has said that it was only up to me, but since I was still fasting - there probably was something important in this for me. 

Life will be so much easier if I start eating everything again and can join my friends for the desserts and food/drink-oriented parties, but it will be the same life I had before. Now when I feel sad or lonely, I can't just have something sweet and move on - I have to come up with some interesting ways of distracting myself or curing the light melancholia, and it's been an interesting path to walk on so far. 

Every day is a challenge, but I keep going in the hope of finding something new that will make my life more fulfilling. I think it's worth a try, right ;)

PS: Just thought that maybe I got such a comfy life these days that my spirit is not challenged anymore, so I'm coming up with the artificial ways of shaking it. Crazy!

MD - CA - MD - CA

Haha, I just got "excellent" news: I'll have to fly back to Maryland from California next week for a day. It's kind of funny given that tomorrow I'm flying *from* Maryland *to* California - for the permanent move. 

It all started on November 11, 2008, when I was driving around 12:30pm out of campus for the dentist appointment. I've never driven in that part of the university and noticed a kind of segregated parking lot on the left from the road. It was all just a matter of seconds, but when I turned my head back to the road ahead of me, I've noticed that I have just rolled over the stop sign. That stop sign made no sense, since there wasn't even an intersection at the spot. I started breaking, but then I realized that I was far beyond the stop sign and all I was doing now is just breaking for no reason in the middle of the road. So I continued my way. 

Only a second later it hit me that the stop sign was designed to ease the exit from that strange segregated parking lot that grasped my attention. How I wish that the stop sign caught my attention beforehand... 

Anyway, a few seconds later I realized that there was a police car behind me with lights on. What happened afterwards is probably quite clear. The shocking part was that I got a fee of $90 and 2 points on my license! Ok, so first of all, I was driving 20-25 miles/hour, under the campus speed limit, so the stop sign was my only fault. Second of all, I have a completely clear driving record - I did nothing wrong since I got my licence. So, of course, I was devastated and very upset. 

A few days after the incident I mailed my ticket back in with the "Pleading guilty" checked. I've decided I'd go to court and try to explain the situation - maybe I'd be able to get the points off my license. Really, I thought it was unfair that some friends of mine got away with speeding 20 miles over the speed limit on the highway, forgetting the license at home, and driving 10-15 miles over the limit in the city. Some of them were just required to attent a driving class again, but none got points on the license!

A week ago (almost 2 months after the incident) I called in to check on the status of my ticket, but the policeman didn't turn it in yet. Since I was about to move to CA in a week, I realized that  I'd have to take a day off work and fly for a day back to MD for the court. Today I checked on the ticket again and haha - my court date is next week! So tomorrow I'm flying to CA and in about 1.5 weeks I fly back to MD for the court. Fun-fun! 

I really hope that I would be able to get rid off the points on the license, otherwise I paid both for the flight fare *and* the insurance increase for the next 3 years :(

The New Year - the Clean Year

Oh wow - I haven't done any posts since last year! :P Well, it does really seem like a whole year has passed since then, because there were so many things happening.

Winter has not been snowy at all so far here in Maryland, so our holiday season did not really feel like one. It was even around +10 - +15C a couple of times and that completely killed the mood for any celebrations. It did arise the mood for travelling though, which I did in its fullest. I've gone to a few beaches in our state and Delaware, went snowboarding in Pennsylvania, and am flying to Massachusetts on Monday to see some friends. I'm also off to CA in about a week - but that's a permanent move. 

Since I had all this time on my hands and lots of my personal things to go through, I have decided to find good homes for all the stuff I did not need myself any more. All the books I did not need or want any more went on Amazon, all the papers with one clean side were stacked for future reuse, and all the clothes/shoes/soft toys/etc. that were of no use to me were collected into a big bag ready for the donation to a local non-profit organization. 

Looking at that bag for donation I have suddenly realized that probably I'm not the only one in my apartment complex who has some stuff they don't need any more. It's just not everyone has the wish to research where to donate the items or the time to go and actually deliver the bags. That's why I figured my help could be of use. Since I was donating my own things anyway, I might as well take the things from my neighbors and donate their items too. First of all, with enough bags I could just order a truck pick-up that would come on behalf of the non-profit organization to collect the items at my apartment complex. Second of all, all my neighbors have the convinience of just bringing the bags to my apartment and not worrying about anything else. 

I talked to our Residents Services in the complex and they helped me out with the copies of the flyers which I put in every building in the complex (~15, I think). In the next week I have received a few phone calls and emails from the residents: all of them had a few bags full of items in good condition that they were ready to donate. I'm still in the process of collecting all of them at my place, so there is work left to be done, but so far I'm very happy that I got some responses from the neighbors :) If any of you ever have the time and the wish to do something like this - do it! You would help both yourself, your neighbors, and the non-profits. 

Once I got in the mood of cleaning up my place from the unused items, I've decided to do the same for my parents. After days of work I finally realized how much more advantageous it is to buy music online rather than on physical CD's and to rent films instead of buying them on DVD's  just to see the movie once. In general, I was amazed at how many unused things exist in our homes that just sit in the corner, collect dust, and take away the space. I suppose, one can say that my big New Year resolution is to avoid bringing those things into my home as much as possible. Let the Qi flow :)

Hm.. what else is happening with me? Ha, I've done my first knitting: the leg warmers that I dreamed of for so long. Not sure if there will be any more knitting in the nearest future, but so far it has been quite entertaining.

The New Year of 2009 so far does not feel any different than 2008. I guess, such differences can be felt only in the childhood, when we look for magical transformations anywhere we can. In the adult life the "make-overs" are a bit of a challenge, but are quite worth the effort nevertheless. Maybe the change of the last digit in the date does not bother you in any way, but there are still a plenty of reasons to look at your life and see what you would like to adjust there. This is what I dare to suggest to all of you :)

Oh yeah, I do have one actual New Year resolution: wear a skirt at least once a week :) Getting out of the jeans' comfort zone once in a while should do me some good.

New life

What can I say? I have taken my last exam today and now I'm just waiting for the commencement ceremony and an official bachelor's degree diploma in mail :) These are some exciting times!

Of course, my sleeping schedule is completely messed up after this semester, but this will probably fix itself eventually. I still cannot believe that there will be no school projects or exams in the nearest future, and surprisingly this makes me a bit sad: there will be no staying up late because of a homework due in the morning, no choosing of classes for the next semester, no lectures to skip, no silly chattering with other students in the hallway, no campus events to attend, and no spring or summer breaks to look forward to. It is amazing how one gets used to certain things in 4 years!

All the nostalgia aside though, I was going in metro today and barely stopped myself from smiling: it's not every day that you get a degree! It feels like a century ago when I was taking my freshman classes, and now I am all done. 

Life does not stop at the graduation though (some actually say this is where it starts, but I completely disagree). I might be out of school, but I can still attend ballet classes elsewhere and continue with drawing as much as I like. Of course, there is a great and exciting move to California, a new job, a new home, new places to go to in the evenings, and new people to meet. 

A life to come is a bit too new and scary, but then I got my family and my good old friends, so I'm sure it will just fine :)

PS: If you don't give yourself a present, then where else will it come from? That's why I took matters in my own hands and for my new life I went out and bought myself a gorgeous new dress :P

TemperTantrum

I'm very excited to tell that there was an article in Chronicle about our class project! Our professor (Ben Shneiderman) has invited the reporter to our lecture with presentations, and that's how we got publicity :P

The comments on the article are pretty strange though:

"How about professors that are too boring, or are too loud, or rooms that are too crowded, or weak wi-fi, or not enough hot chics in a class or…" - I don't think any of those problems can influence the sustainability on campus. So yeh, maybe someone who is more concerned about "not enough hot chics in a class" can work on these suggested projects.

 "Instead, I spent my time studying and learning" - and we are doing exactly what? It might seem that developing a simple tool like TemperTantrum is easy, but the visible simplicity of the tool does not always reflect the amount of work that gets put into it. One needs to investigate the problem, research the previous solutions to it, find credible sources confirming that the new solution can be more efficient, come up with the design, implement a prototype, conduct usability studies, and then revise, revise, revise... There is a lot of learning to do! And who thinks there isn't, then they should just go ahead and try it for themselves first.

"Is this a paid job for the students?" - no, it's not! It's a class project, and we work on it, while having 3-4 other classes and sometimes actual paid jobs too. 

Anyway, it's great to know that Chronicle cared enough to publish an article about us! Thanks to Jeffrey R. Young for taking his time to write about TemperTantrum :)

"Demon seated in the garden"

For my art class I had to write a critique on a 2D design, and I've selected one of my favorite paintings: "Demon seated in the garden" by a Russian painter Mikhail Vrubel (XIX century). Here it is in all its glory: 

The palette of emotions radiating from the painting is just amazing. That's why I couldn't resist to post the image. Now, how can modern art even compare to this?

Another very famous painting by Vrubel is "Swan princess". It is quite stunning, I agree.

Vrubel loved the "fairy tale" theme very much, so that's why the demon and the swan princess. 

Maryland Dance Ensemble

For my ballet class, I was required to go and see Maryland Dance Ensemble performance on campus. Since I had to write a report about it anyway, here is what I thought of my evening in the theater.

My previous experiences with the modern performances were quite upsetting, but I went to see Maryland Dance Ensemble with an open mind. Unfortunately, it has been a great disappointment. The ideas of the compositions were obscure and their presentation on the stage was not appealing or esthetically pleasing.

The piece that I liked somewhat ("Ella at Duke's Place") was the very first one, because it involved the most movement on the stage and I could see that it required a substantial amount of work to create such a coordination of the dancers. However, the moves often seemed abrupt and transitions between the positions were not smooth.

The piece by Sharon Mansur ("here/there.. (for one)") was the most puzzling of all. The flapping of her arms did remind of nature, but in a childish sort of way. The composition seemed extremely simplified, and there was a great lack of variety in the movements of the performer. The piece did not seem to require any dancing experience at all, and it was quite shocking, since from the “About the Artists” section of the program I learnt that Sharon Mansur is actually a faculty at the University now. She might be an exceptionally skillful dancer, but from her performance I could not tell if she was. Oh, and once she left the stage, for a few minutes a projector showed some amateur videos of this girl surrounded by plants. As I read later, it was part of the "multi-media" composition. What is wrong with the single-media on stage?

Overall, I thought that the lack of motion and rhythm were the greatest problems in all the compositions. There were a lot of still and expressionless positions, but not nearly enough of dynamic pieces. The mystery of the music and “dances” did not personally enchant me, but rather evoked irritation and confusion. The lack of technical skill presentation was a great cause of my inability to take the performers seriously.

For half of the first act my sister & I actually barely kept our laughter within ourselves. I have been to theaters many times, but on Friday it was the first time that I have ever left for home during the intermission. We just could not bare the performance anymore.