To know or not to know

I finally finished the "Freedom writers" book that I've started reading a few weeks ago. Such an incredible book! I've seen the movie about 2 years ago, but it doesn't even compare with the power of the book and the message that it holds. I never could have even imagined what some teenagers go through in their early years!

And now I decided to follow the "syllabus" of Room 203 and read the same books they did. I started with "Night" by Elie Wiesel (winner of the Nobel peace prize) and now am stupefied. I read about the German concentration camps before, but nothing so powerful and scary as the "Night". Burning children, women, and elders in the ovens... It just sounds like a bad nightmare, an explosion of someone's bad imagination. Thinking that there were people who supervised and supported these "methods" (oh, what a cruel word!) sends shivers through my body. What could possibly drive those people to perform such horrors, what went wrong within their minds?

Reading about the Holocaust made me wonder if we are to see more of these. Or what's more scary, maybe there are some happening this very minute and I just don't know or choose not to know...

What does Google do for Russians?

In relation to my earlier post, I wanted to note that I did a similar "survey" in Russian. Not to be biased or anything, but I found that in Russian people were way more creative in their questions. Here are some of the top ones that I've seen pop-up in google suggest (one word question word was the only thing I typed) :

What? (Screenshot)

- What happens if you throw a crowbar in the toilet?

- What does it mean when a girl wears a ring on her thumb?

- What happens if you switch on beam lights at the speed of light?

Where? (Screenshot)

- Where is the G point?

- Where are the little apples?

Where to? (Screenshot)

- Where did the little apples disappear?

Why? (Screenshot)

- Why is Putin a crab?

- Why don't girls like me?

- Why isn't Russia an America?

- Why me?

How much? (Screenshot)

- How much does you dead body cost?

- How much does a kidney cost?

What for? (Screenshot)

- What is a Scroll lock key for?

- What is punctuation for?

- What are men for?

Where from? (Screenshot)

- Where do children come from?

- Where do sniffles come from?

- Where does dust come from?

Google suggestions on life

Why am I always curious about the random things? Maybe I should ask google. Start typing "why am I" and you'll see what the world wants to know about themselves :) Hehe, that was my entertainment for the last hour: seeing what people are wondering about. It was quite enlightening, so I decided to share. Enjoy!

"Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria" definitely took me by surprise!

And I found out that actually google answers the relationship questions pretty well too :)

1. He wonders if she likes him, she wonders if he likes her...

2. Both are ignoring, avoiding, and pushing away each other. How did that happen? She's acting distant, b/c he's not calling. He's distant, b/c she's playing hard to get. She's mad, b/c he's not a solider officer!

3. She wouldn't talk, b/c he wouldn't marry. She wouldn't call, b/c he wouldn't propose. She wants him to commit, he wants her to swallow. She wants him to call, he wants her to text.

Indeed, Google knows it all!

Loneliness on the net

About 2 years ago I read a book by a Polish author Janusz L. Wisniewski "Loneliness on the net". It starts with a young woman sending an email to a complete stranger, b/c she was feeling very sad and lonely and wanted to share all her thoughts with someone who didn't know her true identity in real life. Stranger turns out to be a Polish scientist working in a renowned Munich lab. From that moment on the two start talking online, sharing all their thoughts, memories, and dreams. I wouldn't tell what happens to them afterwards though, in case you're curious enough to read the book.

So I remember staying up till 3am just to finish the last pages. I found the book fresh and original; and even though I was disappointed with the ending (it was too sad), I loved it. I probably learned about the DNA from that book more than from my biology classes :) In general, there were so many interesting (and maybe a bit random) facts about the world in the dialogs between the characters, that I even got curious enough to read up on some of those topics later on.

Anyway, so last week I got my hands on the movie that was made a few years ago based on this book. I was truly amazed with the quality of the Polish cinematography :) Here are some extracts from the movie:

It was very sensual and touching, but sad again :( The soundtrack was incredible too. So in case any of you were curious in seeing something from East Europe, I would highly recommend. Although, one disclaimer: the movie is quite slow and talks are prevalent to action, so if you have no tolerance for such things, then don't watch it.

Remember those pre hi-tech times?

Lately I've been thinking how much different our lives are now compared to say 10 years ago, communication wise mostly. It's incredible!

In pre-email era, we used to write letters on paper and mail them via regular post, waiting sometimes for weeks for the envelope to reach its destination. Now we just send emails! And paper letters are luxury, like flowers. 

If we were going with some friends to the movies, we would arrange in advance the time and exact place, b/c there were no cell phones and we couldn't just call and ask "Where are you standing now?"

There was just no possible way of telling all our friends something at once in a random point in time. I could shout out of a window to tell something to numerous strangers, but you didn't get much more than that. Now there's facebook with walls/status updates/...

Remember the times when we brought photo albums to school to show how great our summer break was? Now again - there's facebook. Everyone can look at our pictures whenever and wherever they please.

Remember the times when we didn't have Internet at home? If we wanted to go to a theater play or even to the movies, we had to buy a special magazine that listed all the cultural events in the city, their times, places, and prices. Then you had to physically go somewhere and purchase the tickets with real money. No online shops.

If we heard a song on the radio that we liked, we rushed to write down its name and the name of the artist. Otherwise, there was no way we could ever get a hold of that song again. I wouldn't even mention that cassettes and CD's were the only ways of getting your hands on music.

News? Oh yeah, that's what newspapers and magazines were for.

Had a question about something? No google, no themed forums. Yes, you had to ask your friends, relatives, go to the library, or even write a letter to a newspaper/magazine! 

And what about those old times, when you could see your tv show only if you rushed home and was in front of the tv in the right time? No TiVo, no DVD/VHS-recorders. 

Oh, and then there were times when you had to ask people how to get somewhere, because there were no google maps, no iPhones, and no android phones. Hehe, and your friends had to draw you maps of how to get to their place with all the streets, turns, and reference points marked.

Seems so long ago! And how would I even have shared these thoughts with you then, 10 years ago? If I wasn't a journalist or a writer, I just simply couldn't. For better or for worse :P

Use your fan to blow up matress

Yup, just learned today that you can actually use your hair fan to fill a blow up mattress with air. Works incredibly well and fast!

Hello Santa Barbara!

So here's a map of where I went yesterday for a drive :) You can see how I almost made it to LA: it was less than 100mi to the city.

View Larger Map

I must say: the trip was great! It was long and extremely unexpected, but I finally got to put my feet into the Pacific that was not freezing and I get to drive through Santa Barbara - the city whose name I heard from when I was 3-4yrs old. 

There was this american soap opera called "Santa Barbara" broadcasted in Russia in the 80-90's and it was the longest soap opera in history as it kept going for 10 years (oh yeah!). Now I don't even remember what it was all about except that there was a man with a funny name "C.C." (I always thought it was his full name and in my head I spelled it like "Cici") who was the head of the Capwell family, then there was a young woman with really long and blonde hair named Eden and she was married to a man named Cruz.  Cruz always reminded me of a gorilla (probably not too flattering for the actor, but oh well) and I thought his name was ridiculous. What kind of person is called Cruz? Haha, if only I knew then that in 15 or so years for the weekends I regularly would be going to a place with the exact same name in it - Santa Cruz. I never questioned "Cruz" in Santa Cruz though... Strange.

In any case, for me, the "child of wilderness" at the time (ok, maybe not wilderness, but still - those Santa Barbara houses and beaches shown in the soap opera seemed like shots from another planet to me back then), it seemed not possible at all that at some point in my life I would visit those places. That's why this trip yesterday was so incredible.

Oh yeah, and then SB was the first american show ever broadcasted in Russia, so everyone in the country was watching it with open mouths. The name "Santa Barbara" itself became a common expression meaning "something unnecesary long, complicated, and "soapy".

Anyway, so here's what the intro to SB looked like. I still remember that first few seconds with the gates! After 15 years :)

Why do men never wear hats anymore?

Stumbled upon this question when seeing a rare scene at the street: a man wearing a hat in the evening in the city. Why don't men wear hats anymore? Is it because they're tired of taking it off to greet every woman they know?

Forever 21

When I was 16, I thought that in a few years I would have a better idea of what I want to do and who I want to be. Ha! Gonna be 21 in a few weeks and I still got no clue, but now I know that most people are like that. I guess up to my last breath I will keep wondering what this whole life was about.

My good friend once asked me what I thought my dream was. Years pass, but I think it's still the same. I always wanted to make a photograph that would win a contest and get published. Years pass, and I'm still working on that one :) 

Ziehe ich?

Well, since my blog has a little "paper basket" logo on top, I figured I can throw some more garbagé in it. Last yeat I developed this passion for copying photographs from ads in the magazines and then this kind of drawing became my own kind of meditation. Thought it would be nice to post some pictures here for a change :) 

Beware: I do not want my drawing abilities to be criticized. It's the silly thing that I do and silly things cannot be judged. I'm in no pretense that I'm a great artist, so no need to remind me of that :)

So this was sep 08 (this is what happened when I was by myself on a 9-hour flight upset and restless):

    

This was Dec. 08 (in the madness of final projects and exams). What inspired the middle one is pretty obvious if you look through my past blog entries, and the last one was just dedicated to my lovely sis, who loves crows.

   

These 2 are just still shots from 2 Russian cartoons "Hedgehog in the fog" and "The tale of tales":

  

And these last ones were again just from the magazines:

   

The quality of the photographs is not all that great, so my apologies for that. The camera has given up on me in the past few months.

For the first time I went driving today by myself with no destination! At night! It was like a dream. About 100mi after - I am home again, but feel changed :)

For some reason I put my alarm for 7:59 instead of 8. I guess, it's just more fun that way :)

Eifman

Oooh, and on Saturday I got to see "Eugene Onegin" performed in Berkley by Eifman ballet. I was very skeptical at the beginning, because it's modernized ballet and I've never seen a good one from that kind. However, after the first 10min of the performance, all my skepticism has evaporated and then I was just hoping that the dancers would never stop. In all the movements of the dancers there was something so sensual, so candid, that I felt like we, the audience, were almost intruding in their life. 

The choreographer is just brilliant! I didn't think that without the classical moves of the ballet one could make such an enchanting performances. Oh well, in cases like this I'm always glad to admit that I was wrong in my assumptions :) 

It was sad to leave the theater though, because everything there was so magical and the world outside was more trivial. I should learn to make magic myself - there's the plan!

May!

A new month. Once again. For the first time, I'm actually writing from my balcony, where I'm  sitting under the blanket in a chair. Very classy, isn't it? :) I'm thinking that if I make some hot chocolate (I actually got some real Swiss one in the cupboard!), then it would be just like a setting from some book. Hehe :)

Anyhow, what inspired me to write today is the Relay race that I volunteered for. It's a 199mi race from Calistoga to Santa Cruz that serves as a fundraiser for Organs R Us that promotes the need for organ donors. The race is to be completed by a team of 10-12 people, so each of the members runs about 10mi overall, which is not too bad, but through the whole race period (about 30hrs) all the non-active runners stay together in the van and follow the active runner, b/c every 5-6mi the runners must be changed. I've seen those people today after they've been in a race for >24hrs and had 0.5-1.5hrs of sleep max, and they have been extremely cheerful and polite. The mystery of human kind :)

Oh, and then we've seen this man who apparently does the whole race (199mi!) all by himself every year. For some midway points he orders pizza, quickly eats the whole thing on the way, and then just keeps going. Incredible! Such a determination and strength of body!

Together with 2 other people we were helping out at one of the numerous exchange points, so we had to coordinate the arriving/depating vans with the teams and make sure that all the runners cross the traffic safely. Sounds simple enough, but with the rain and heavier traffic it gets a bit tricky :) For the first time in my life I got to direct the traffic a bit though! With just one hand I could actually stop a car on Hwy 9 and with a wave of another hand let someone go :) I felt empowered. To be fair though, I did my best to never stop the cars on the road unless it was absolutely necessary. 

And the moral of the story is..? There are some really great people doing some incredible things out there in the world. I've got nothing more to add. 

Update (May 7, 2009): Dean Karnazes is the name of the man that ran all the 200mi by himself :)

4.5 hours of rollerblading! I just love California :P 

PS: My feet seem to give me an attitude now.

Public libraries are incredible! You can get latest DVDs, study books, audio books, and even whole operas on CD. Why would I go and buy any of these now? :)

Going to color Easter eggs today. Exciting! Just need to find egg paint somewhere...

Lent

"Does this have milk in it? Yes? Oh, sorry, then I'll have something else" - yup, that's me these days. Never would have thought! No milk products, no meat, no fish, no sweets, no alcohol, and no white bread till Easter. No, I am not religious, but with a friend of mine we have thought it would be interesting to challenge ourselves to fasting, and Lent seemed like a very convinient opportunity.

Supposedly, fasting is designed to inspire you to think less about the mundane things and concentrate on the issues of the soul and mind. I was curious and felt really bold, so I went for it. It's been 2 weeks now and I didn't cheat so far. What's the point? There's no one but myself to deceive. So here are a few notes about my experience so far.

The first day of Lent is the hardest one, because for the whole of Monday you can't have anything but water. And, of course, the whole Monday food is all you can think about :) A sad thing is that without food I got no good reason to get a break from actual work, because usually I take a walk to get some snack or tea/smoothie. Also, without lunch and dinner I don't really get that much communication with people. Monday was a sad-sad day, and I did not feel inspired or uplifted at all. I was hungry, lonely, and dissapointed with myself for starting the experiment at all.

The days afterwards were much better. Surprisingly, even though there are many things you can't have, there's still something left to choose from: rice, all kinds of other grains, potatoes, vegetables (raw/cooked), fruits, and nuts. Oh yeah, there's also tofu that I will not eat raw again unless forced to; when cooked, it's quite tasty though.

Last Sunday fish and eggs were allowed, so I got my hands on herrings (don't frown, it's a Russian thing) and fresh-baked, still warm, delicious Russian bread. To enjoy this feast I went out with my roommate to some hills in Los Altos, from where we could see the nearby area quite well. It was a lovely Sunday indeed! Bread tasted very special and it came in the right time, because I was starting to consider giving up on the whole fasting idea.

Living without the meat for 2 weeks was alright, even though on some occasions I really felt like having some. What tortured me in the past days and still does is the lack of desserts. I have delicious chocolate waffle cake and a box of fantastic turkish delight at home, as well as a few boxes of girl-scout cookies with choco & peanut butter. I wouldn't even mention all the things I have to pass by in the cafes. Today was the hardest day so far in these terms - I really craved for some chocolate cookies, but instead had to crunch the pistachio (ok, that's not such a bad trade-off).

2 weeks in and I still question myself about the whole thing over and over again. Did I become more spiritual and less materialistic? Do I feel enlightened? No, I am still the same person, no major changes. However, there's something to it: major challenge of your will power; you have to learn to control your desires and not give in. This is the one thing that keeps me going: I want to learn whether I can do it or not. There is still a bit more than a month left though, I think, so we'll see.

In general, I have noticed that now I can push myself a bit further with the other things: I can find a reason to run for a bit longer, to stretch a bit further, and etc. What's important is to start out with a challenging goal that you are capable of reaching, then you will feel good upon achieving it. Starting the run without knowing where the finish-line is can be quite demoralizing, and I don't suggest doing this. 

Oh yeah, forgot to mention what the other people thought of my experiment. Well, first of all, there are only about 6-7 of them who know of it. One always tries to corrupt me and suggests I have something sweet, go to a party and drink something, or just forget the whole thing and enjoy the "pie party" on the weekend. Not really supportive, but then the feeling of contradiction towards him inspires me to continue. Second of all, people who don't know about the diet restrictions do not really notice anything. I still always have a full plate of something, I don't complaint out loud that I can't have meat or desserts. Instead of sweets, I always get fruits now and it feels pretty good most of the time. 

The greatest thing of all is that I never feel painfully full after my meals. I always feel well energized, happy, and grateful that I could find at least something to eat that follows the restrictions :)

In the moment of doubt I asked my mum today if I could give up now. She wisely has said that it was only up to me, but since I was still fasting - there probably was something important in this for me. 

Life will be so much easier if I start eating everything again and can join my friends for the desserts and food/drink-oriented parties, but it will be the same life I had before. Now when I feel sad or lonely, I can't just have something sweet and move on - I have to come up with some interesting ways of distracting myself or curing the light melancholia, and it's been an interesting path to walk on so far. 

Every day is a challenge, but I keep going in the hope of finding something new that will make my life more fulfilling. I think it's worth a try, right ;)

PS: Just thought that maybe I got such a comfy life these days that my spirit is not challenged anymore, so I'm coming up with the artificial ways of shaking it. Crazy!

MD - CA - MD - CA

Haha, I just got "excellent" news: I'll have to fly back to Maryland from California next week for a day. It's kind of funny given that tomorrow I'm flying *from* Maryland *to* California - for the permanent move. 

It all started on November 11, 2008, when I was driving around 12:30pm out of campus for the dentist appointment. I've never driven in that part of the university and noticed a kind of segregated parking lot on the left from the road. It was all just a matter of seconds, but when I turned my head back to the road ahead of me, I've noticed that I have just rolled over the stop sign. That stop sign made no sense, since there wasn't even an intersection at the spot. I started breaking, but then I realized that I was far beyond the stop sign and all I was doing now is just breaking for no reason in the middle of the road. So I continued my way. 

Only a second later it hit me that the stop sign was designed to ease the exit from that strange segregated parking lot that grasped my attention. How I wish that the stop sign caught my attention beforehand... 

Anyway, a few seconds later I realized that there was a police car behind me with lights on. What happened afterwards is probably quite clear. The shocking part was that I got a fee of $90 and 2 points on my license! Ok, so first of all, I was driving 20-25 miles/hour, under the campus speed limit, so the stop sign was my only fault. Second of all, I have a completely clear driving record - I did nothing wrong since I got my licence. So, of course, I was devastated and very upset. 

A few days after the incident I mailed my ticket back in with the "Pleading guilty" checked. I've decided I'd go to court and try to explain the situation - maybe I'd be able to get the points off my license. Really, I thought it was unfair that some friends of mine got away with speeding 20 miles over the speed limit on the highway, forgetting the license at home, and driving 10-15 miles over the limit in the city. Some of them were just required to attent a driving class again, but none got points on the license!

A week ago (almost 2 months after the incident) I called in to check on the status of my ticket, but the policeman didn't turn it in yet. Since I was about to move to CA in a week, I realized that  I'd have to take a day off work and fly for a day back to MD for the court. Today I checked on the ticket again and haha - my court date is next week! So tomorrow I'm flying to CA and in about 1.5 weeks I fly back to MD for the court. Fun-fun! 

I really hope that I would be able to get rid off the points on the license, otherwise I paid both for the flight fare *and* the insurance increase for the next 3 years :(

The New Year - the Clean Year

Oh wow - I haven't done any posts since last year! :P Well, it does really seem like a whole year has passed since then, because there were so many things happening.

Winter has not been snowy at all so far here in Maryland, so our holiday season did not really feel like one. It was even around +10 - +15C a couple of times and that completely killed the mood for any celebrations. It did arise the mood for travelling though, which I did in its fullest. I've gone to a few beaches in our state and Delaware, went snowboarding in Pennsylvania, and am flying to Massachusetts on Monday to see some friends. I'm also off to CA in about a week - but that's a permanent move. 

Since I had all this time on my hands and lots of my personal things to go through, I have decided to find good homes for all the stuff I did not need myself any more. All the books I did not need or want any more went on Amazon, all the papers with one clean side were stacked for future reuse, and all the clothes/shoes/soft toys/etc. that were of no use to me were collected into a big bag ready for the donation to a local non-profit organization. 

Looking at that bag for donation I have suddenly realized that probably I'm not the only one in my apartment complex who has some stuff they don't need any more. It's just not everyone has the wish to research where to donate the items or the time to go and actually deliver the bags. That's why I figured my help could be of use. Since I was donating my own things anyway, I might as well take the things from my neighbors and donate their items too. First of all, with enough bags I could just order a truck pick-up that would come on behalf of the non-profit organization to collect the items at my apartment complex. Second of all, all my neighbors have the convinience of just bringing the bags to my apartment and not worrying about anything else. 

I talked to our Residents Services in the complex and they helped me out with the copies of the flyers which I put in every building in the complex (~15, I think). In the next week I have received a few phone calls and emails from the residents: all of them had a few bags full of items in good condition that they were ready to donate. I'm still in the process of collecting all of them at my place, so there is work left to be done, but so far I'm very happy that I got some responses from the neighbors :) If any of you ever have the time and the wish to do something like this - do it! You would help both yourself, your neighbors, and the non-profits. 

Once I got in the mood of cleaning up my place from the unused items, I've decided to do the same for my parents. After days of work I finally realized how much more advantageous it is to buy music online rather than on physical CD's and to rent films instead of buying them on DVD's  just to see the movie once. In general, I was amazed at how many unused things exist in our homes that just sit in the corner, collect dust, and take away the space. I suppose, one can say that my big New Year resolution is to avoid bringing those things into my home as much as possible. Let the Qi flow :)

Hm.. what else is happening with me? Ha, I've done my first knitting: the leg warmers that I dreamed of for so long. Not sure if there will be any more knitting in the nearest future, but so far it has been quite entertaining.

The New Year of 2009 so far does not feel any different than 2008. I guess, such differences can be felt only in the childhood, when we look for magical transformations anywhere we can. In the adult life the "make-overs" are a bit of a challenge, but are quite worth the effort nevertheless. Maybe the change of the last digit in the date does not bother you in any way, but there are still a plenty of reasons to look at your life and see what you would like to adjust there. This is what I dare to suggest to all of you :)

Oh yeah, I do have one actual New Year resolution: wear a skirt at least once a week :) Getting out of the jeans' comfort zone once in a while should do me some good.